Dear Spider God

Please tell your spider minions to leave my flat. There has now been 3 this week. Andy and myself have had an only somewhat enjoyable time tonight dealing with your latest sentry. Granted he was slightly smaller than the last two Shelob sized efforts you have sent, but still. I thought we were passed all this? We haven't had any in so long. The conkers must have finally stopped working after all these years.

And why do they always stop above the spice rack? Do they like spices? If I pop a little jar of cardamom pods outside the back door, will that satisfy thee? It does set me on edge so. 

Yours sincerely

Kirsty Black